Writes Save the Date reader Allie:
My fiance has a full-time job, but I'm a student, so money is a little tight. We originally planned to move in together this spring and wait until our finances are better to get married. (Neither of us wants a big celebration.) Our problem is my parents: They are ultra-conservative and when I told them I planned to move in with him, they said they'd cut us out of their lives because they couldn't support a couple "living in sin." I know my parents can be controlling but I'm also close with them and it would be pretty traumatic to totally cut ties.
So my wonderful guy proposed that I extend my lease for three months and that we have a small destination wedding (just the church ceremony, no reception, and only parents/siblings) at the end of summer. We both love the compromise but I'm afraid it won't even be enough for my parents; they'd prefer to see my whole extended family invited. How do I tell people that I'm getting married but that it's not really an event they'll be invited to? Do you suggest that he and I try to pay the way for our grandparents if they feel left out? And do you think I'm silly for trying to appease my conservative parents? Help!
Here are my thoughts:
You've already made a major concession for your parents: waiting until you're married to move in with your guy. So I don't think you need to postpone your nuptials until you can afford their dream wedding.
You just need to tell them, "John and I will wait until after we're married to live together out of respect for you. We're asking you to respect the fact that we want a very small wedding, with our immediate family only." (I do think you should try to spring to have your grandparents there. Maybe you could pick a "destination" a little closer to home to keep costs down.) If they want to celebrate your marriage with your extended families, perhaps they could host a brunch (AND foot the bill) after the fact.
Beyond that, I don't think you owe your second cousins or great-aunts an explanation. If they ask where their wedding invitation is, just be honest—and don't apologize. "We want a very small celebration, so the guest list is limited to parents, siblings, and grandparents."
Ladies, what do you think? Should Allie have the big wedding her parents are dreaming of? Or stick to her guns?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!