Writes Save the Date reader Nadine:
I've worked in an office of eight people for almost five years. It's my first job, and my boss has been very supportive of my career—letting me take on a lot of responsibility, giving me good raises and promotions, and allowing me to work a flexible schedule while I'm in grad school.
So here's the problem: I'd like to invite my boss to my wedding to show my appreciation. However, I fear that the administrative director may get offended if I invite the boss and not her; she's also been my advocate over the past five years and tends to get offended over slights, whether they're real or perceived. If I invite just the administrative director and the boss, it's a slippery slope—the rationale for who gets invited and who doesn't is less clear. I like all my coworkers and their significant others, but I can't fit everyone in the venue unless we get some declines. And my fiance works in the same field (his bosses used to work at my office), so I feel like we'd need to invite them too if my whole office gets invited—another eight people. Clearly, it would just be easier not to invite any coworkers, but I really would like to thank people who have supported me by inviting them to my wedding. What to do? Can I get away with just inviting a couple of coworkers in such a small office?
Here are my thoughts:
As an outsider who's unfamiliar with your office dynamics, I think you should just go the easy route and not invite anyone. Sure, there's a chance that you could invite a few people and not offend the rest of them, but figuring out who to invite and who not to seems like a massive headache.
I mean, based on what you've said, I feel like if you invite your boss you HAVE to invite your administrative director so you don't ruffle her feathers. And it seems if you invite those two, you feel like you have to invite the rest of your office. And if you invite your whole office, you feel like you have to invite your groom's office—plus everyone's significant others. So you're going to wind up with a few dozen people at your wedding who you didn't really want to invite.
NOT worth it.
I agree it would be nice to do something thoughtful to thank your boss, but I think she'd appreciate, say, a gift certificate to her favorite restaurant just as much as an invite to your wedding. And that would save you a logistical nightmare—not to mention a bunch of money.
Ladies, what do you think? Who from her office should Nadine invite to her wedding? All of 'em? None of 'em? Just a few people?
Ugh, I just hate awkwardness.
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!