We all know getting engaged isn’t all about the ring, but lots of newly engaged girls come down off the high of his perfect words and the perfect moment and realize the ring on their finger—the one they might wear every day for the rest of their lives—isn’t exactly perfect. And that’s a problem.
Of course if your future husband had gifted with you an unflattering sweater or running shoes that you were feeling lukewarm about, you would probably speak up—or just grin and wear ’em. But with a “meh” engagement ring, it’s a little more complicated. Your guy probably put a TON of thought into the ring he chose—and a bunch of money too. Here’s how to tell him you want to switch out your engagement ring without hurting his feelings.
IF YOU HATE THE SETTING You like vintage designs and the ring he picked is missing the romance you’d dreamed of. Or you were hoping for something modern and your new bling has tons of curlicues. YOU SAY“I adore how sparkly my new ring is, but the more I wear it, the more I realize the setting doesn’t really match my style. Would you mind terribly if we kept the stone and picked a new setting together?”
IF YOU HATE THE STONE Remember when Carrie found an engagement ring from Aiden and the diamond was {cringe } pear-shaped? There’s nothing wrong with a pear-shaped diamond, if that’s what you’re dreaming of, but what if the stone your guy picked just isn’t? YOU SAY“I’m obsessed with my engagement ring, but I feel like the diamond isn’t doing the setting justice. I feel like an emerald-cut diamond [or whatever] would look even prettier. Could we stop by the jeweler and look at different diamonds together?”
IF YOU HATE THE METAL You wanted rose gold and your groom picked white. Or you were hoping for platinum and he chose yellow gold. YOU SAY This is actually a pretty easy conversation, especially if your existing jewelry is in the metal you like best. YOU SAY“I adore my engagement ring, but I feel like the metal doesn’t quite match my other jewelry [or: my skin tone]. Since I’ll be wearing it forever, I’d love to change that one little detail, if you don’t mind.”
IF YOU HATE THE WHOLE THINGYOU SAY It’s just ALL WRONG. {And no, thinking that doesn’t make you a bad person! } YOU SAY“I noticed your mother’s [or: my best friend’s, my coworker’s] engagement ring while we were at brunch yesterday, and now I feel like a ring that’s similar to hers might be more my style. I love you, and I love THIS ring because you picked it out for me. I just plan on wearing my engagement ring forever, so I was hoping we could check out some more timeless styles together.”
Honesty is always the best policy, but I don’t think brutal honesty is going to serve you well in any of these scenarios. Let your guy down easy—and let him know if your new ring is going to cost considerably more, that you’d love to chip in for the difference.
Would you keep an engagement ring you secretly hated? Or speak up?