Writes Save the Date reader Kathy:
I knew I was going to be invited to a bridal shower and planned to bring a gift to the shower and then write a check as the wedding gift. Then the bridal shower invitation arrived, and it stated “flat gifts preferred.” So do I just give a check at the shower and then not give anything for a wedding gift? Or do I give a check the shower and another at the wedding? And if I give two checks, how much do I give at the shower?
Here are my thoughts:
If you’re OK with writing two checks, the short answer is: Write one check for whatever you were going to spend on the shower gift and then write a second check for the wedding gift.
(The long answer involves me cringing about requesting gifts on an invitation. But we all know I’m pretty old-fashioned when it comes to wedding etiquette.)
If you don’t love the idea of writing two checks, I don’t think it’s wrong to bring an actual gift to the shower.
If the “flat gifts” request was because the couple is moving (and I know sometimes this is the case), you could get creative and give something flat that’s not a check or gift card, like a vintage map of the city they’re moving to or the city where they met. If you have time to research their new city a little, you could buy them a restaurant gift certificate. (You’d have the restaurant mail you the gift certificate, so plan ahead.) Or you could have a not-flat gift shipped to their new home.
And if they’re not moving, check weddings.com to see if they have a registry. (Even couples who request flat gifts sometimes have one as a backup.) If they don’t and you prefer to give a gift, I think you’re free to pick out a thoughtful gift on your own.
Ladies, what do you think of “flat gift” requests?
I get that if you’ve been living with your guy, you already have towels and pots and pans. But I still think you should have a traditional registry, because not everyone wants to give you cash, especially for a shower. And if you opt not to register, I think you need to graciously accept the gifts you’re given, just like you would for, say, your birthday.
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!