Writes Save the Date reader Molly:
I asked my friend of 15 years to be my maid of honor, and at first she was incredibly into it. She was there, she was committed, she was excited. Now, she'll go days without returning my calls or texts, and when she finally does, every time I ask her to do something with or for me—no matter how big or small—she's "too sick." (She asked my sister, who's a bridesmaid, to plan my bachelorette.) She's had a chronic illness her whole life, which obviously I knew about, but I feel like she's using it as a crutch. I completely understand her illness, but I also know that she's an adult and she's had a handle on it for a long time.
So we're ordering bridesmaid dresses next week, and I want to ask my sister to be my matron of honor and ask my maid of honor to step down and just be a bridesmaid. I feel like planning my wedding is supposed to be the best time of my life, and not being able to rely on my maid of honor has put a damper on things. Meanwhile, my sister has continuously been by my side since day one, and I feel like she will be the BEST matron of honor. How can I manage this situation without hurting anyone's feelings?
Here are my thoughts:
Maybe I'm way off base, but I feel like something's going on with your friend, and you should put your wedding aside for a minute and help her deal with that. I'd reach out and say, "Hey, the wedding stuff has me kind of crazed and I feel like I've been out of touch. Can we get together for lunch? No wedding talk—I promise!" (I'm not saying that you're one of those brides who ONLY talks about your wedding, but if she's in a bad place, it might feel that way to her.)
While you're lunching (and not talking about your wedding) try to gauge how the rest of her life is going. If she continues to act distant, I'd just say, "I know you have a lot on your plate, so I've asked my sister to step up as matron of honor so she can assist you with your maid-of-honor duties." If your sister can handle the other jobs—planning your shower, giving a speech, etc.—I'm assuming that being maid of honor, at this point, only entails buying a dress and showing up to your wedding. Rather than hurt your friend's feelings by demoting her (or kicking her out entirely), I think you should just let her coast.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Molly boot her friend from her wedding party? Or let her bad bridesmaid behavior slide?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!