Writes Save the Date reader Erica:
My younger sister and I both got engaged to our long-term boyfriends around the same time. In May of 2013, my fiance and I picked our wedding date: August 30, 2014, in my hometown. We shared the date with our friends and family members and started searching for caterers and venues. Then my fiance lost his job and we put our wedding plans on the back burner. We still planned to get married, but we weren't sure if we were going to do something smaller or have a big wedding. Thankfully my fiance got a new job, and our planning was back on track.
But then my sister announced she and her fiance were ready to wed—in the Dominican Republic in early September 2014. I was excited for her but a little crushed that she didn't even mention the potential overlap with our wedding date.
In light of my sister's newly selected wedding date, my fiance and decided to get married during our trip to Cuba in April and have a reception in June in our hometown.
When I told my sister our new plan, she freaked out on me and accused me of stealing her wedding plans. She was especially upset that our island wedding would be within six months of her own. She later called to apologize. I felt like she had been really irrational, but I decided to move on. Then this week my sister and her fiance announced their official wedding date: August 30, 2014, in our hometown.
All my sister every talks about is her own wedding. She never asks me about mine. I'm just feeling really hurt and betrayed, and I don't even know how to deal with her. Any advice?
Here are my thoughts:
Unfortunately, wedding planning tends to bring out the worst in everyone. Brides, especially, have a whole industry telling them it's their once-in-a-lifetime-fairy-tale day, and a lot of brides start to believe that they should get their damn fairy tale—everything else (and everyone else) be damned.
I agree that your sister calling dibs on your original wedding date and location is a tiny bit bizarre, but once you switched up your own plans, they were both up for grabs, so I'd let it go.
Honestly, if you're getting married in two short months and your reception is in four, I'd just keep your sister at arm's length until then. Clearly she's not going to be helpful in planning your wedding, and having hers constantly be the center of conversation is upsetting you. I don't think your sister's going to have an "Oops, I'm being selfish" moment, so I'd just keep your contact with her limited and hope that she returns to normal after her wedding is over. If she asks why you're acting distant, you could say, "I'm super busy with planning my wedding and reception, and I'm sure you're swamped with your own. We're both stressed, and I feel like we're not bringing out the best in each other right now." If she insists on hanging out, I'd suggest an activity where the chitchat will be minimal, like going to a movie.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Erica confront her sister? Or just keep her at arm's length until after the wedding?