Writes Save the Date reader Janet:
I want a small backyard wedding, but my fiance wants a grand event. He's been planning for this day since he was a boy. (I promise he's straight.) I foresee all kinds of conflict if we try to compromise on everything, and he obviously cares more than I do. Should I let him run with it?
Here are my thoughts:
I think you can compromise—to a point. The key is NOT to agree with anything that's going to make you feel resentful. Ask your fiance to come up with a list of things that are important to him, whether it's a 200-person guest list, a 10-piece band, or a five-course sit-down dinner. From there, I'd ask him which ONE item matters the most, and try to let him have that.
After that, decide if there are any items on his list that you just CAN'T live with. If the thought of a huge sit-down dinner makes you want to barf, I think you're allowed to make it a sticking point.
For all the in-between stuff, I'd let him go nuts, as long as his plans are within your comfort zone. Like, maybe you don't prefer the monster band, but it's not going to make you want to pull your hair out for your entire reception.
I also wouldn't let him go crazy with the credit cards if 100 disco balls or life-size ice sculptures of the two of you are part of his "vision." Let him know he's allowed to go bananas, as long as he stays within your budget. Repeat after me: A wedding should NEVER leave the bride and groom in debt.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Janet try to rein in her groom? Or let him go wild?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!