Writes Save the Date reader Marissa:
My boyfriend recently proposed, and we're in the process of choosing our wedding party. I'm planning on asking my four closest childhood friends to be bridesmaids. I'd also like to include my fiance's sister, perhaps as maid of honor. But I'm not sure how to manage the pre-wedding activities.
I've been friends with my girlfriends since elementary school. We've remained close, but we are now all scattered in different states and only see each other once or twice a year. In light of this, I don't want a bridal shower or multiple parties; I just want ONE weekend where I can really reconnect with my besties.
My future sister-in-law and I are friendly enough, but our personalities are very different. She's introverted and doesn't enjoy going out or late nights, and I know she would be uncomfortable being thrust into this group for a weekend.
I really want to spend time with my other bridesmaids—and I don't want to worry about offending her all weekend.
Is there any way to ask just some of my wedding party to participate in my bachelorette weekend? Or should I suck it up and invite her and recognize it as an opportunity for us to become closer? Or should I skip the bachelorette weekend and suggest something low-key that she'd be more comfortable with? Help!
Here are my thoughts:
First of all, I'd pass on asking your future sister-in-law to be your MOH. That role is generally reserved for the person you're closest with, and it doesn't sound like the two of you are tight. I understand that it might be easier to stick her in the role, rather than choose among your four closest friends, but if that's the case, just skip the whole MOH thing and have five bridesmaids.
Now, onto your question: I think this is one of the very few times you can have your (wedding) cake and eat it too. Let everyone know that you don't want a bachelorette party or bridal shower; it's within your rights as a bride to put the kibosh on any pre-wedding festivities. Then go ahead and plan a fun weekend with your besties, without making it an official "bachelorette" weekend. You guys can go ahead and party without the guise of a bachelorette party, and your future SIL won't feel left out—or forced to participate in something that she's not comfortable with. That said, if you DO feel like you have to come out and call it a "bachelorette," I do think you have to extend an invite to your fiance's sister if she's part of the the wedding party.
If you skip the official bachelorette in favor of a friends' weekend, I think it would be nice to have a pre-wedding evening where all the girls can hang out and get to know one another before your big day. Go ahead and do a low-key night out a few days before the main event, when everyone's already in town for your wedding.
Ladies, what do you think? Does Marissa have to have a bachelorette party with all her bridesmaids? Or can she skip it?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!