Inviting and including kids to your wedding can be a sweet thing—I mean, look at this:
Alternatively, it could be like this (which is still kind of sweet, in an "aw, screamy" sort of way):
The simple fact is: Some people want kids at their weddings and other people don't. Or maybe you want to include them without including them, if you know what I mean—have them around, but not necessarily in the middle of all the action (or readily available so that they can be spontaneously in the middle of the action). Whatever your preference—hey, it's OK! But it's important to let parents know what you want so they can plan accordingly. Here are a few ideas:
* If you're OK with having kids on the premises but not at the ceremony (or give them an alternative to hanging out at the reception), consider hiring/enlisting trustworthy babysitters to watch them in an adjacent room, or—if you're having an outdoor wedding—in an enclosed grassy area. You can order pizza (cuts costs!), provide toys, video games, coloring books, chalk, magnifying glasses to look at bugs, etc. That way, they're around—and nervous parents can feel assured that their kids are nearby and doing fine. One note: The babysitters/caregivers need to be really on top of things and not allow, say, impromptu marker drawings on chairs and carpets. That may just incur cleaning costs for the newlyweds.
* If you invite kids to the reception, you can designate a children's table that's more than just pint-size food and drink. Make sure it's filled with crafts, puzzles, crayons, and kid-appropriate things to eat (believe me, most will way prefer mac 'n' cheese to steak tartare. And it's cheaper!).
* If the parents ask to bring their own sitter or nanny to look after the kids at a separate table while they enjoy the wedding, give it fair consideration. Naturally, this is at your own discretion, because you'll need to provide the nanny with food and a place setting, too—and your guest list is your guest list, so parents will understand your decision.
* Don't feel guilty about not simply not inviting them. It's absolutely within the bounds of etiquette, especially if you have an evening or cocktail-hour wedding. And, honestly? As the mom to two little ones, I wouldn't be insulted if they weren't invited—in fact, I'd be more relieved to know definitively and book a babysitter, instead of constantly weighing the pros and cons of bringing them until the day of the actual event.
Do you have any other ideas? How do you feel about kids at weddings? What rules of thumb do you follow?