Writes Save the Date reader Karena:
I'm having a very small destination wedding with only 18 guests, and I'm lucky that my best friend is one of them. However, she just showed me a photo of the dress she bought for the wedding. It's very low-cut, short, and tight. (She's busty.) It's also white.
I know etiquette says it's OK for guests to wear white to a wedding nowadays, but her dress just bothers me. Not only that it's white but also the overall look. Interestingly enough, once when we were at a mutual friend's wedding, we had a conversation about how awkward it is for guests to wear white to a wedding. So I can't help but feel like she's trying to show off.
I really do appreciate her taking the vacation days and spending the money to fly to my wedding, so I'm hesitant to say anything. (When she initially showed me the picture, I was too shocked to say much.) Should I let it go? Or should I tell her how I feel about the dress if it comes up again?
Here are my thoughts:
Actually, etiquette says it's STILL not OK for a guest to wear white to a wedding. (It's a total Glamour DON'T.) Regardless, I don't think you can say anything.
As you said, your friend is taking vacation days AND spending $$$ to fly to your wedding. (I'm assuming she'll have to pay for a hotel, food, and transportation too.) She's already going above and beyond, so I don't think you can also ask her to buy another dress.
Unless her dress looks a lot like your wedding dress, I'd keep your lips zipped. I agree she's being uncool and attention-grabby, but it's not like your guests are going to mistake her for the bride. All eyes will be on you—except when she's getting sideways glances from people wondering what the heck she's wearing.
If you'd like her white dress to be less in-your-face in pics, you could always hand out leis (assuming your wedding's somewhere warm) or some other colorful accessory to all your guests and hope she embraces the "theme." Otherwise, I'd let it go and hope she realizes the faux pas on her own.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Karena ask her friend to wear a different dress? Or is it best if she forgets about it?