Writes Save the Date reader Joyce:
After a quick courtship, my boyfriend's sister was recently married in a small destination wedding, which was planned in a very short amount of time. To celebrate, they're having a "wedding shower" several months after the fact, which feels uncouth to me. Then several weeks later, in the same location as the shower, they're having an "open house" party to celebrate their wedding. Having two parties super-close together in the exact same location feels a little gift-grabby to me. On top of that, they're planning to have two other parties in their hometown, which would require additional travel for me.
I don't know what etiquette dictates, but it seems bizarre to me to have a party (never mind four parties) celebrating your wedding months after the fact. I feel like the window is a small one.
As the girlfriend of the bride's brother, am I required to attend all of these post-wedding parties? I'm definitely planning on attending one, but I don't feel like I should have to give up FOUR weekends for this absurdity. It just seems excessive and unnecessary. I don't want to upset my boyfriend's family, but I also don't want to positively reinforce the newlyweds' greedy behavior. Plus, it would cost me a TON to attend all of them. Do I have to suck it up and go to all these parties? Or can I skip most of them?
Here are my thoughts:
There are occasions that call for celebrating a wedding after the fact (maybe there was a quickie wedding at city hall before a bride or groom in the military was deployed overseas), but since you didn't mention any "desperate times" circumstances, I'm going to assume that's not the case.
If this couple had taken a more traditional path down the aisle, I think as the future sister-in-law of the bride, you probably would have attended, at the very least, the bridal shower and the wedding. (Or, if the shower were far from home, you would have sent a gift for the shower.) So if I were in your shoes, I'd attend two of the four celebrations, just in the name of staying on good terms with your boyfriend's family.
I agree that the bride and groom are being ridiculous and gift-grabby, but if the rest of the family is playing along, I think you should try to too.
That said, I'd attend the two closest-to-home parties, and either bring one nice gift to whatever the "bigger" event is, or buy two less-substantial gifts and bring one to each party. As soon as you get invites to the remaining two events, you can send your regrets with a clear conscience; it won't hurt to immediately make plans for those weekends, so when family members ask why you're bailing on the parties you can say, "My mom will be in town!" which sounds a little bit nicer than, "I'll be rearranging my closet." or "I didn't want to spring for the gas and the hotel room."
Ladies, what do you think? Should Joyce attend all four parties? Skip 'em all? Or something in between? And how many gifts should she plan on giving?