Writes Save the Date reader Mandi:
My sister has been a complete bridezilla since she got engaged. Still when she asked me to be her maid of honor, I was excited.
I started planning her bachelorette party, which was within driving distance for everyone, but my sister would insult me and constantly badger me about the plans (“they have to fit the group!”—huh?!). She eventually announced that she hated what I was planning, so she wouldn’t be able to attend. She then demanded an out-of-state bachelorette party, which I planned for next weekend—and then my sister kicked one of the others bridesmaids out of the wedding party because she couldn’t afford to travel out of state for the bachelorette. She’s also causing drama with our families because she wants an out-of-state bridal shower.
I’m so over the drama that I want to back out of going to her bachelorette. Can I do that? I feel like she’ll respond by kicking me out of the wedding party, but at this point, that might be a blessing.
Here are my thoughts:
Don’t even give her the opportunity to kick you out of the wedding party. Quit the wedding party, bail on the bachelorette, and put your relationship on hold until your sister can get a friggin’ grip. Nothing you’ve already done—and nothing that you’ll do down the line—will make your sister happy, so you might as well get out with what’s left of your bank account and sanity while you still can.
That said, it would be nice if you could still give some cash to the remaining bridesmaids to cover any expenses you were going to be splitting. (You don’t have to chip in for, say, meals, since you won’t be eating or drinking with them, of course, but if you were going to share a hotel room with someone who can’t cancel, the decent thing to do would be to cover your portion.)
The only event that a bride is guaranteed is a wedding. Bachelorette parties and bridal showers (and engagement parties and rehearsal dinners and morning-after brunches) are generally hosted by either the wedding party or a family member, which means the bride doesn’t have a say in how they’re planned. And if she’s lucky enough to have any of the “bonus” events planned in her honor, she needs to show up, shut up, enjoy the party, then thank the hostess graciously and profusely.
The alternative, if she doesn’t want to deal with a party she knows she won’t be happy with, is to pass on having a bachelorette party (or bridal shower, etc.) entirely.
For More Sisterly Love, Watch Sister, Sister: Kendall and Kylie Dish About Each Other’s Quirky Habits.