From the moment you get engaged until you receive your last wedding present, etiquette questions abound for the bride-to-be. Some are classics that decades of women have asked, while others are completely new for our generation (like how to politely ask guests to refrain from spending the entire ceremony on their smart phone). To help, Anna Post of the Emily Post Institute directed Glamour toward some of the most commonly asked bridal questions—and the proper answers.
1. "How long do I have to write my thank-you notes?"
This classic has a simple answer: three months after returning from your honeymoon (so long as you don't have an extended amount of time between ceremony and trip). Post says that even though there is a specific rule, the better-late-than-never maxim still applies. "I didn't get all mine in by then, but it's still something to strive for."
2. "How can I manage the use of social media at our wedding?"
Emily Post and family have been answering queries on how to be polite for decades, but this category is uniquely millennial. "Often it's about asking people to not use their phones during the ceremony or to take photos with them. The bride doesn't want to be walking down the aisle to a sea of smart phones instead of her guests' smiling faces."
If you're set on keeping tech interruptions to a minimum, the approach is simple. "Let guests know through as many ways as possible ahead of time. Tell them with a message on the program, a sign when they enter the ceremony area, and an announcement, like 'The couple requests that you please keep all cameras and smart phones away during the ceremony,'" Post said. "Ask for what you want specifically, but ask nicely. Then, leave it alone." You do not want to spend your entire reception being the iPhone police (#buzzkill).
3. "How do I properly address my invitations?"
"This is one of the top questions I get and, as you can imagine, it comes with a million variations because there are a million ways you can do it," Post told us. Since she's right—there are stylistic differences, plus all kinds of specific rules based on professions and family sistuations—your best bet is to check out the Institute's trove of answers online.
4. "Can I register for non-traditional things?"
Yes! Honeymoon funds, Amazon items...there's a lot more variety than the china and crystal from gift registries of the past. The one exception Post pointed out? "Don't pick things that are lightening rods. If you're going to ask that guests donate to a charity, pick ones that anyone could get behind."
5. "What's the right wording for invitations?"
Of all wedding etiquette questions, this is the one Post identified as most timeless. "Everyone wants to get it right, but there are variations and there are traditions. At the Emily Post Institute, we're sort of the keepers of that," she explained. "People can do it the classic way their grandmothers have done it, but it's totally okay to not do it the way their grandmothers did too." The Institute offers examples of formal and informal verbiage here.
The question Post wished more brides did ask? How to master the art of being a bride and a great hostess.
"Even if you're not paying for your own wedding, you still need to greet and welcome every single guest. That's maybe the single most important job the couple has besides actually getting married," she said. "Think, 'How do I share my wedding with all of these guests?' 'How do I make them feel special?'" There's no detailed answer to the dream question either; it's all about carving out the time to rotate around tables or through the reception, offering smiles and greetings. "It's the single most important thing that happens on the day."
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