Writes Save the Date reader Jillian:
Over the past year I worked on a team with three co-workers. We always went out after work, spent a ton of time together, and have gotten to be close. One of the girls in our group has been planning her wedding, which we talked about nonstop. The other two girls and I attended her bridal shower together and had planned to carpool to the wedding together—it's about five hours away—and split a hotel room.
Last month I accepted another job offer, but I was still excited for this wedding. When I got the invite in the mail last week, I RSVP'd yes and mailed it back that day. I wasn't invited with a plus-one (I have a long-term boyfriend), but I figured I'd still go with the other two girls and I was excited to see everyone. So I called the girls to talk about the details of the carpool and the hotel—and they've decided not to go, because gas and the hotel were too expensive.
Now I'm NOT looking forward to this wedding at all. Aside from the bride, these two girls were the only other guests I knew. Since I wasn't invited with a guest, I'd be making a long drive solo—and paying for the gas and hotel room on my own instead of splitting it three ways. Do I have to suck it up and go to the wedding on my own since I already RSVP'd yes? Or is there a polite way to bail?
Here are my thoughts:
Eh, in most situations I think if you RSVP yes, you're committed, but I think this is an exception.
First of all, if you JUST got the invite, the wedding is still a few months out, so if you renege on your "yes," it's not like the bride and groom will lose money. And I'm SURE the bride knew you were planning on traveling with the other two girls, so she's not expecting you to make the trip alone.
I'd just email her ASAP and say: "I hate to do this, but I spoke with the other girls, and it turns out they're not going to be able to make your wedding, so I have to bow out. While I'd love to be there for your big day, I feel like it's too big of a trip to make solo. I hope you understand—and that we can celebrate with you locally when you get back from your honeymoon."
Send a nice gift and catch up with her when she's a Mrs. No harm, no foul.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Jillian suck it up and attend the wedding? Or can she bail?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!