Brides aren’t always known for their stellar behavior—click here to read about the craziest brides EVER—but that doesn’t mean you get to act like a savage when you’re attending someone else’s wedding. Since it’s prime wedding season, it seems like a good time to review the top eight most awful things you can do as a wedding guest.
8. Call the Bride Day-Of for Wedding Details
The couple most definitely sent you a carefully worded invite with all of the relevant times, addresses, and lodging information. As a grown-up, it’s your job to retain that information, procure it a few days in advance, or call someone (ANYONE) besides the bride to track down that information.
7. Complain to the Newlyweds
You hate your seat, your fish tastes questionable, and there’s no toilet paper in stall three. It’s fine to have complaints, but either deal with them on your own (Hint: Chairs can be moved if you just CAN’T EVEN with your assigned tablemates) or find a member of the staff to help you.
6. Bail With Little or No Notice
Sometimes this can’t be avoided. People die, people have babies, people get sick. All excusable. Not excusable: “I overslept,” “I decided to run a race that morning instead,” “But
but
Coachella tickets.”
5. Get Super Drunk
By all means, let loose. Have a few drinks. Have many drinks. Unless you’re driving, you don’t need to be able to pass a field sobriety test at the end of the wedding. You do need to be able to speak without slurring and walk without being held up.
4. Pick a Fight With the Bride or Groom
The bride’s been a little testy the past few months—and hey, did she ever return your favorite halter top? The groom owes you $200. And you KNOW his Facebook status about backstabbing bitches was directed at you. Doesn’t matter. If you care about these people enough to show up to their wedding, leave any grievances at the door and let them enjoy the next five or six hours.
3. Wear White
I don’t care who you are or what your reason is. If it’s white, don’t wear it. Period. End of discussion.
2. Announce Your Pregnancy
Yay! A baby! I’d love to celebrate—on ANY of the 364 other days on the calendar. The bride and groom get a day. One full day where they get to have all eyes on them. There’s no exception if your whole family’s there, even if you have a visible baby bump. Tell them before or wait ’til after. Sharing the big news at someone else’s wedding is Grade-A Sh*tty.
1. Propose
Again, not your day. Just DON’T.