Planning a traditional wedding—with guests and food and dancing—can be fun and exciting and romantic. Except for when it isn’t. Because, at the end of they day, it all boils down to what you’re actually doing: Orchestrating a HUGE event for 100 or so people, with LOTS of strong opinions hurled your way. {Hi, mothers-in-law. } And for most brides, hosting a wedding spectacular will come with some level of stress. Often so much stress, in fact, that at several points in the road to your big day, you might want to call the whole thing off. Here’s how to move past those points and get yourself down the aisle feeling semi-sane.
When You Realize How Freaking Expensive It Is To Host a Wedding. Wedding dresses can be expensive. Wedding rings can expensive. A band or DJ can be really expensive. And feeding 100-ish people? Pretty much always expensive.
Get Over It Figure out your wedding budget before you do ANYTHING else. And stick to it. (That means no looking at $10,000 wedding dresses when your budget is $1,000.) Also, do your best to seek out money-saving alternatives, like a white dress from a fancy department store instead of something from a wedding boutique. (The Budget Savvy Bride has a lot of great inspiration.)
When You Get Your Parents’ Guest Lists. Sure, your dad’s still chummy with his fraternity brothers, but that doesn’t mean you want to spend $80 a head feeding them chicken. And why is your mother-in-law inviting her entire office?
Get Over It Come up with some ground rules (“No family members past first cousins.” “No one that one of us hasn’t met.”) then cut from there. If you want to keep things on the smaller side for intimacy’s sake—not as a money-saver—book a venue that can only accommodate X number of guests. Your mom can’t argue with the fire marshall.
When You Decide You Hate Your Wedding Dress. BAH! What were you THINKING? The dress that you loved suddenly feels all wrong. Plus, you haven’t looked at EVERY dress out there. It’s awful. It’s ALL awful. Cue tears.
Get Over It This weird phenomenon, which strikes so many brides, is a bizarre cousin of buyer’s remorse—even though you probably didn’t buy your wedding dress on a whim. Whatever you do, DON’T go back to square one. Try to remember why you fell in love with your dress in the first place, and trust that those butterflies you felt were the real deal.
When All the Small Decisions Land Squarely on Your Lap. I know there’s an angry, wedding-planning groom out there who’s going to tell me he lovingly selected the napkin color and the perfect herb garnishes for the dinner entree. But for the most part, the wedding-planning minutiae is the bride’s business, which doesn’t feel fair.
Get Over It Delegate, delegate, delegate. First, find out what your groom does care about {Music? Dessert course? Anything? } and let him take the reins there. If your mom sets a mean table, let her work with your venue to plan the tabletops, and if your future sister-in-law is a graphic designer, hand stationery duty over to her. And don’t forget the most important rule of delegating: Let go and trust the people you’ve tasked—and don’t pester them. Then go ahead and make the call on details you know your groom won’t have an opinion on {Flowers? Cutlery color? Bridesmaid hair? } so you can cross them off our to-do list.
When Your DIY Projects Start to Feel Like a Burden. DIY seemed like a fun way to make you wedding extra-pretty. Plus, it should save you some cash. But as the clock’s ticking down to your wedding, the last thing you want to do is make paper flowers or hand-embroider the groomsmen’s pocket squares.
Get Over It Sure, DIYing can save you money, but if you take on 42 projects in the name of saving cash, you’re going to feel resentful as hell—plus, you’re going to spend every minute leading up to the wedding whittling favors and calligraphing signage. And with the cost of supplies (not to mention your time) there’s a good chance you won’t save THAT much money. Limit the number of DIY projects to one or two special details. (And don’t feel pressured to do any, if you don’t want.) And if there’s a project that’s causing you to go gray prematurely, just bail. You might lose a couple hundred bucks buying whatever you were going to DIY, but consider it an investment in your sanity.
Have you wanted to call of your wedding yet?
In related news: The Ups and Downs of Planning a Wedding, in 9 Distinct Stages