Writes Save the Date reader Amy:
My husband is one of three brothers. He is married to me, obviously. Another brother is married to a woman I'll call Keira—so, my sister-in-law. And the third is about to marry a woman I'll call Nancy, my soon-to-be sister-in-law.
Nancy chose to ask Keira to be a bridesmaid in the wedding, and she didn't ask me, which I'll admit stung a little. Her big "Will you be my bridesmaid?" request involved writing a letter describing all the wonderful memories they share and how those memories "make Keira number one."
Of course all of this is sweet and personal and came with the best intentions, but here's the problem: A) I was there for 90 percent of the wonderful memories! And B) the only reason I know about the letter is because Nancy displayed it. On the living room wall. In the vacation home we were all sharing.
So I'm wondering: Is it OK to ask one future sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid and not the other? And if so, is it OK to rub it in my face like that? Part of me wonders if I'm just being sensitive, but her behavior seems bizarre to me. Help!
Here are my thoughts:
Obviously it sucks to be the odd girl out, but in this case, I think you're the luckier future sister-in-law. I would NOT want to be a part of this bride's wedding party!
I do think it's OK for a bride to ask one of her future sister-in-laws to be a bridesmaid and not the other. It's certainly possible to be close with some family members and not others, and I hate when a wedding party gets out of control because a bride feels obligated to include every last cousin to avoid hurt feelings.
That said, this bride is being obnoxious. Clearly she's trying to get a reaction out of you—or at least get another member of the family to ask, "But why isn't Amy in your wedding too?" Her rationale could be totally legit ("I'm just closer with Keira") or maybe she's being a petty brat ("Amy never hugs me first at family gatherings!"), but either way, it seems she's incapable of conveying her feelings like a normal human being.
If you MUST know why you weren't included, I think you'd be fine to ask. (Clearly she wants you to.) I'd just say up front that you're OK with her decision, but you're wondering what shaped it and you want to make sure things are cool between the two of you. But if you can let her case of the crazies slide, I'd just ignore it. Put on a happy face, but keep your distance, especially while she's caught up in wedding planning. Engaging someone who's basically picked a fight with you for no reason isn't going to end well, so I think it's safer to stand back and watch her self-destruct.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Nancy have asked both future SILs to be in her wedding? And how weird is it that she displayed that note?!
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!