Wedding planning, in theory, should be a happy time. You’re getting MARRIED! And still, all the work that goes into planning your big day can cause major headaches. The good news is, there will be loads and loads of fun things to carry you through the process. But here are the five parts will probably be decidedly un-fun—plus, tips for working through them so you can get to the good stuff. Cake tasting, anyone?
”Are we having fun yet?”
When You’re Trying to Hash Out the Guest List
Your mom wants to invite her entire office and your mother-in-law is trying to get your groom’s ex onto the guest list. (“They’re childhood friends!”) Plus, your groom swears he’s still tight with all 23 guys in his pledge class—even if he can’t give you anyone’s actual name. (No, you can’t address an invite to “Big Lips” and “Putty.”) I think its easiest to give the parents a number for relatives and their friends, and let them figure out how to divvy it up. (Rory’s mom invited her cousins but not her co-workers; my mom did the opposite, since she hadn’t seen extended family members in years.) You and your groom should work out potential controversies ahead of time (exes or no) and try to give your parents some ground rules. One good one: No guests who haven’t met us both. CHEER UP The only two people who NEED to be there are the bride and groom. Hashing out the guest list has a finite end. Once the invites are sent, you can stop talking about it. Raise a glass of champagne to that. Unless, of course, there’s a B list.
When Your Parents Have STRONG Opinions That You Don’t Agree With
Your father-in-law insists that the reception tables should be round—NOT rectangular. (Mine did!) Or your mom can’t fathom why you wouldn’t serve wedding cake. A lot’s changed since your folks got married, so your ideas (wearing a non-white dress, skipping the receiving line, sending digital save-the-dates) might seem outlandish to them. CHEER UP Practice saying, “I really appreciate your opinion. Tell me more.” And memorize this mantra: Choose your battles. A lot of the time, your parents just want to feel like you’re hearing them out. The shape of your tables isn’t going to make or break your wedding, so compromise when you can.
When Your Bridesmaids Start Complaining
I always encourage bridesmaids not to complain to the bride, but you might hear rumblings if they hate the dress you picked or a couple of the co-’maids aren’t chipping in on shower tasks. CHEER UP Do your best to keep your girls happy—they should be your besties, after all. Two things that help: 1) Be upfront about what it’ll cost to be in your wedding. If you expect them to stay at a hotel on your wedding night or buy a plane ticket for your bachelorette getaway, it’s only fair to let them know ahead of time. 2) If you want your ’maids to wear a specific dress or choose from several that you pick, ask each of them if there’s a color or cut of dress that makes them feel uncomfortable—and how much they’re able to spend on a bridesmaid dress. You want them to feel beautiful, after all, and you don’t want to bust up their budgets.
When You’re Working Out the Budget and Who Pays for What
The money talks are never fun, but everything will go more smoothly if people know how much they’re chipping in, and for what. CHEER UP Get the conversations out of the way right away so you don’t fall in love with a wedding dress or a venue that’s out of your budget. If your parents say, “Of course we’re paying for the reception!” that’s great, but ask them to give you an exact number, in case they’re not accounting for any of your non-negotiables, like an open bar.
When You’re Figuring Out the Seating Chart
Unless she’s getting married a deux, the seating chart somehow sucks for every bride, just ask Snooki. And still, I think wedding guests prefer assigned seating—or at least assigned tables—to a free-for-all. (I certainly do!) CHEER UP There are programs and websites to help you digitize the task (here’s one) but I’m partial to the Post-Its and paper method, illustrated here. Hold off on tackling the seating chart until a week before your reception site needs a final count, otherwise you’re just going to wind up tearing it up as RSVPs roll in and guests cancel. (A few ALWAYS do.)
What’s stressing you out as you plan your wedding?
The list above is all based on my personal experience. I was NOT a low-key bride.