Writes Save the Date reader Izzy:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around a year, and he has said he wants to get engaged soon. This would be my second engagement. The first one ended terribly, and I have trust issues as a result.
My boyfriend is a musician and plays almost every instrument. He’s really into social media and obsesses over any “famous” person he meets. His ex is a professional singer who’s been on tour. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough—but his ex is.
I’m really nervous about getting engaged. My boyfriend’s a wonderful man, but I don’t want to get hurt again. If he proposes, should I say yes?
Here are my thoughts:
In short: No.
Every couple who gets engaged is taking a leap of faith on some level, but it sounds to me like you need to work out some personal stuff before you jump.
Regardless of whether your reasons are valid, you don’t trust your boyfriend. Having a ring and planning a wedding isn’t going to make your trust issues magically disappear. If anything, they’ll get worse. Different people need different things from their partners, but every couple needs trust. It’s truly the foundation of your relationship; without it, anything else you have will eventually crumble.
Assuming you can’t work through your trust issues on your own, I think seeking professional help is probably best. The next time your boyfriend brings up getting engaged, tell him, “I adore you, but I need to work on me before I work on us.” If he’s truly wonderful, he’ll let you do that.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Izzy get engaged and hope for the best? Or should she hold off?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!
And tell me, when did YOU get engaged?