Writes Save the Date reader Taylor:
My boyfriend was previously married, but we’ve been together for six years. (He’s 41 and I’m 27.) About two years ago I was on the computer and he came up behind me and announced that he wanted to marry me. It was so sweet and perfect. For a while we’d talk about all the details of our dream wedding: dates, colors, cakes, everything. And then nothing. He has said he wants to wait to get married until we move into a new home, but I don’t understand why we can’t get engaged. Yes, money is tight—I was in school and am now trying to find a full-time job, and his job is part time with limited hours—so we’ve had a hard time saving for a new place, never mind a ring. But I’ve been ready to get engaged for years now, and it’s starting to drive me insane. Am I getting upset over nothing? Or do I need to speak up?
Here are my thoughts:
If it’s upsetting you this much—and clearly it is—you need to ask him, not me: “We used to talk about getting married, but that stopped a while ago, and I’m worried. I’d like to be engaged within a year and married by the time I’m 30. What’s your timeline for our relationship?”
The only caveat, I think, is that Engagement Season is mere days away, as I mentioned yesterday. So you might want to cool your heels and hold off on the conversation for a few months. Yes, waiting till after Valentine’s Day (the official end of Engagement Season) might seem like an eternity, but if a proposal’s already in the works, things could get REAL awkward if his answer is, “Well, I WAS going to ask your dad on Thanksgiving* and propose on Christmas. Is that soon enough?”
*Not that he has to ask your dad, but that’s often how holiday proposals unfold, in my experience.
In the meantime, with the holidays about to kick into high gear, I’m sure there’s plenty to keep you busy. Plan lots of “me time” between your shopping outings and holiday parties to avoid getting further stressed. And if you have time to cook, I don’t think it would hurt to throw an Engagement Chicken in the oven. Ya gotta eat, right?
Ladies, what do you think? Should Taylor speak up? If so, should she blurt it out now? Or wait a few months?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!