Writes Save the Date reader Cindy:
I saw my boyfriend's email and read that he is thinking about proposing to me on a trip we will be taking soon. I'm not ready to take the next step, and I have told him this multiple times. What should I do?
Here are my thoughts:
Usually I edit readers' emails, but I copied and pasted yours word for word, so naturally I'm wondering how you "saw" your boyfriend's email. I'm also wondering how old you are and how long you've been together.
If you're 20 and you've dated for five months and you're just not "there" yet, I'm totally with you. But if you're 30 and you've been together five years, then I'm kind of scratching my head.
I think either way you need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a talk about your future. Maybe start with, "It was so fun planning our vacation together; I can't wait to take it! Where do you think we'll go next?" And then segue into, "Where do you see us in a year? In five years?"
Assuming he already has marriage on the brain, he'll mention that in the convo. At which point you need to spell out exactly when you think you'll be ready to get engaged. Whether you've been together for five months or five years, if you're not going to want a ring for, say, two years, he deserves to know that. If there are certain "life deadlines" you want to meet pre-engagement, let him know about those. Do you want to be graduated from college? Out of debt? A black belt in karate? The more information you BOTH have about each other's plans for the future, the better off you'll be.
I think the only problem is if you don't see yourself marrying this guy ever. There's certainly value in dating guys you DON'T want to marry {Let me tell you about the DJ I dated pre-Rory. And the bartender. And the well, you know what I mean. }, but if you don't see a future with this guy ever, you need to let him know that, stat.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Cindy confront her boyfriend? Or wait to see if the proposal happens? Should she just say yes and then drag out the engagement?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!